Thursday, February 10, 2011

Who *doesn't* curse when they burn their hand on the oven?

Hello Readers! Let's get started, shall we? And, I may as well get you all accustomed to my foul mouth right outta the shoot, eh? Seems like if you can weather the storm of profanity that I may pepper this blog with today - then you'll be around for the long haul. At least that's what I'm banking on. the topic of "cursing in the kitchen" - it happens AAAALLLLLLLL the time in my house...but for you - it just depends on how big of a potty mouth you are, I suppose. For me? I tend to just let the profanity fly when I get hurt in the kitchen! I mean - Cooking isn't for SISSIES, right???? You're not a real cook if you don't have the scars to prove it. I've sliced the tip of my finger almost off - needed stitches. I've burned my hand - and no, that's not really a unique's how it happened that is kinda funny/painful...perhaps that'll be a great first story for you all to read. AAAAlllllllrighty then!

On to our Story du Jour: 

It was a few years ago I think in the summertime - it could have been the fall - but it really doesn't matter. I had invited a co-worker over - more like she had a crush on my boss - who was married and lived across the street with his wife and four kids, but I was talking in front of her about dinner and she was all, "I WANNA COME!". Okie doke. Guess it would be RUDE of me not to invite her - and my Pork Loin Chops in a Worchstershire and Red Wine reduction with Mashed Potatoes and roasted asparagus DOES sound delicious - who am I to deny someone food when I was just bragging about how AWESOME this dish is?  I CAN'T DO IT, I TELL YA! So I invited her. 

Fast forward to me getting home from work and the grocery store and I'm cookin' and choppin' and the house is REALLY starting to smell GOOD! YUM! I had started cooking the chops and added the red wine and Worchestershire Sauce and it was de-glazing the pan. That's about the time that I go ahead and slam it in the oven to get all happy-happy and get tender and juicy.

TIME TO PEEL THE POTATOES! So I peel them all slice them up - put them on the stove to boil. I hit the computer to do a little bloggin' and hear the timer go off for me to check the chops. I open the oven door and reach into get the pork chops out and yeah...did YOU notice the step I missed there? How about reaching for a potholder? Minor detail missed = massive burn potential!

I grabbed the handle to my pan, took it out of the oven - realized I was burning the HOLY HELL outta my hand and instead of dropping the pan to the floor, I swirled around like I was Marie Osmond on Dancing With the Stars and gently placed it on the stove-top dropped an F-bomb or two, right...who am I kidding? It was like I had Tourrette Syndrome or something! And then RAN TO THE FAUCET! Holy shit, people. I can't tell you the amount of pain I was in!

My hand was blistering...and burning...and stinging. All you really want to do in that situation is cool your hand off...only that's not what you're supposed to do, apparently. The damage was done...but dinner...well, DINNER WAS SAVED! You're welcome,'re welcome.

That night? I slept with a baggie of ice in my hand. ALL NIGHT. I placed a sock over my hand so that I wouldn't drop it and so it wouldn't fall out of my hand while I was sleeping. Which, by the way is a SUPER DEE DUPER TIP OF THE DAY!!! So put that one in your memory banks, readers! Sock + Baggie of ice on a burned hand = ice stays put until it melts - then it's just water that is staying put. I'm a giver, what can I say?

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